Tired of being a “bottled blonde,” a look I’ve worn since the age of nineteen, I decided to go darker, return to my natural color. My hair becomes so light in the sun that it has started to blend with my skin tone – not a good look. Plus, years of bleaching had taken a toll on my fine hair… it was becoming dry and looking frizzled.
So this past Monday I said, “Let’s go darker” to my stylist, unsure of where that would lead, but trusting that I was ready for whatever occurred.
Let’s just say that when the towel came off and she combed out my hair, I thought “wow – that’s dark.” But knowing that wet hair often looks darker than dry hair, I assumed that it would lighten after she blew it dry. But it didn’t. In fact, the deep chestnut coloring only brightened with the hairdryer. Still, I took a breath and just sat there, curious and open to this entire process.
Knowing that my husband would be a bit, well, shocked, I texted him, warning him that I had a “new look” and that he would now be sleeping with a brunette. On the drive home I kept glancing in the rear view mirror. Who was that? Could that person really be me?
Having been a blonde for three and a half decades, I now was seeing things from a darker side. Instantly I thought twice about clothing – colors that compliment a blonde may not do the same for a brunette. I also started to question my make-up – were those still the correct shades?
Not only was I adjusting to my new look, but also others were as well. I’d see friends at yoga and they would do a double take, initially confused but then recognizing that it was me. And last night when we had two couples over for dinner, one of our closest friends couldn’t help himself… the first words out of his mouth were, “What did you do to your hair?” Actually, I laughed.
But what makes the timing of this change especially interesting for me is that this past week I was scheduled to be videotaped for a promotional piece for my upcoming book. I’m not quite sure how this video will be utilized, but I do know that it will be on-line and seen by people I know and those who I’ve never met. My old self, the control freak who tried to make everything perfect, would have called the stylist and requested an appointment to “lighten it” so my hair would be like it used to – allowing me to feel safe and comfortable, wearing a look that was predictable, known, accepted, and understood.
But I didn’t do that. Instead, I surrendered, trusted, and permitted myself to be who I was in that moment – a brunette. While blonde worked for many years, maybe it’s time to try on something new, to see if this fits me better. Regardless, the reality is that it’s only hair. And the one thing I learned after losing my hair during chemo almost eight years ago was that hair has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. Sure, we all want great hair, because who wants a “bad hair day”? But in the big picture, it really isn’t that important. For my video to do its magic – to entice people to buy my book – it’s not the color of my hair that matters, it’s the message – what I say and how I project it - that counts.
It’s been almost a week since I left the salon, and to be honest, it feels good. As much work as we do to find our true self inside, sometimes a “redo” on the outside is just what we need to take that next step, raise our vibration, and elevate to the next level. I’m not saying that I’ll never go blonde again – but for now, I think I’ll try brown out. Who knows, perhaps the saying is all wrong. I’m going with a new version – it’s the brunettes that have the most fun!
