Am I Chasing Memories, or Am I Following a Dream?

Through previous blogs, I’ve shared my desire to be near water. There’s a peaceful feeling when I’m lakeside … both body and soul calm, regulate, and renew. It’s been a dream to find someplace not too far from Bend where I might be able to regularly experience this sensation. And so, last week, my husband and I drove to a lake community in a nearby state … curious if it might be a fit.

This place was certainly beautiful. I couldn’t deny the charm. However, the reassuring feelings I’d hoped would stir within remained still. I kept waiting for a whisper of confirmation, but there was only silence.

We had a nice time in the small, A-frame VRBO. With beautiful views from the deck, I’m sure this would be the perfect spot for many. But we both quickly realized it was not ours.

On the way home, I began to wonder … Am I chasing memories, or am I trying to follow a dream? Is what I’m looking for really a home by a lake, or is it something deeper? Could it be that I’m longing for is a piece of the past? (see https://www.michellemdavis.net/post/what-s-your-happy-place)

Reluctantly admitting it was more than a body of water I sought after, it became clear I missed this special period of my childhood at Porter’s Lake, a hunting and fishing club in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Oblivious to the world around me, I only saw the good when I was at the Lake. Here, we had fun, played, explored, immersed ourselves in nature. From a kid’s perspective, being at the Lake meant freedom. I suppose the adults felt something similar—a break from their jobs, routines, and responsibilities. No doubt it provided an escape from “normal life.”

While I don’t think this longing is about avoiding, I do believe there’s something “underneath” my quest. Perhaps it was the comradery, the sense of belonging to a place everyone held sacred. Then again, it could have been the sound of soft waves meeting the shoreline and the wind rustling through the woods. Nature has a way of captivating us. Or maybe it was the individuals. Sadly, many of the people who made Porter’s Lake what it was are long gone.

After having several days to process our experience, I’ve concluded that for me, Porter’s Lake is a treasured memory, something impossible to recreate. More than a physical place, it represents a time of life when everything felt perfect. That’s why what I’ve been searching for may never be found. I’m an adult hoping to find what only a child could see.

I’ve also realized that just as Porters Lake has changed, so have I. While I didn’t mind our tiny bathroom which only allowed for two hot showers a day … or the fact that there was no washer or garbage disposal … those things matter now. And as much as group dining at the clubhouse was fun as a kid, I don’t want to eat dinner at 6:00, and I want to choose my menu.

Truth be told, if Porter’s Lake was in my backyard, I’m not so sure I’d feel the same way about it now as I did then. What made Porter’s Lake my “happy place” are the memories, not the destination. I’m learning there are many ways to create beautiful and meaningful experiences, ones we can hold in our hearts forever. We don’t need to revisit our past hoping hoping to recreate what once made us happy. Sometimes the best way to discover what we’re truly craving is to let go of attachments and become open to something new.

Could it be time for different memories? If I can release my desire to return to what once was, I can then create space for beautiful, unanticipated experiences to appear.

What about you? Do you find yourself chasing the past, convinced you’re merely following a dream when you’re really chasing a memory? While our recollections from yesterdays are treasured, we cannot bring them with us. It’s in the mysterious unknown that new memories forge and dreams become reality.

Unsure what the future will hold, I do believe that if I embrace the uncertainty and accept I cannot control what comes my way, what emerges just might exceed my wildest dreams!