MOG

I’m the Mother of the Groom. Our older son, Jack, is getting married this week.

My husband and I love Katie, the woman he’s marrying. These two make an incredible couple. We have no doubt they’ve each found their perfect person.

Still, I’m unsure how this upcoming nuptial will shift my role. I know how to be Jack’s mom and Katie’s friend, but I’m not so sure what it means to be the “mother-in-law.”

Now, I believe in synchronicities. In fact, my husband and I have been seeing 11:11 all week! Today, a post popped up on my Instagram feed. As soon as I read it, I knew God heard the confused thoughts in my head and decided to send this message to help me:

Being a mom of a married son isn’t about losing your place.

It’s about discovering a new one.

Your role changes, but your importance doesn’t.

And when your daughter-in-law feels loved instead of judged, your son doesn’t feel caught in the middle.

That’s how families grow stronger.

This was exactly what I needed! After rereading the author’s enlightening advice several times, I came to the following conclusions:

1. Beginning this Friday, my role changes.

While our son will always be a part of our nuclear family, he’s now starting his own … and my husband and I are not in it. But this is the way it’s supposed to be. And I’m not the first mom experiencing this harsh reality. Besides, now we have Katie in our lives. While I’m not exactly sure what this new role fully entails, I suspect it will require acceptance, honoring boundaries, and learning to compromise. Yep, I’ve got some work to do!

2. It’s critical to fully respect the woman my son’s marrying.

But of course. Why would I want Katie to feel anything but loved? Yet, while my intentions may be well-meaning, that doesn’t mean she’ll always perceive my actions that way. At times, I may misstep. I remember when I was newly married and my mother-in-law, who was one of the loveliest of ladies, added spices to the pasta salad I brought to a family party. I was livid. While she had good intentions—she didn’t want the others to think I couldn’t make a tasty pasta salad—the message I received was my cooking wasn’t good enough. I never want to do this to Katie.

3. Don’t make your son choose between his wife and you.

What a horrible thing to do to Jack! And you know what … if I ever force him choose between Katie and me, I’ll lose. But being a family is not about competition. He can love each of us in his own way.

While I fully appreciate all three pieces of advice to being a good mother-in-law, it’s the final statement that caught my attention.

That’s how families grow stronger.

We know too many people who don’t get along with their parents, kids, or siblings. That’s not what I want for our family. If we can have honest conversations, show up as our true selves, know it’s OK to disagree, and have each other’s back, we’ll be strong. That doesn’t mean we’ll always look perfect, spend every holiday together, or share the same beliefs. But we will respect one another, accept we each hold the power to choose how we live our life, celebrate everyone’s successes, and be there when the shit hits the fan. That’s what strong families do. That’s what I want.

And so, I will do my best to follow this Instagrammer’s sage advice. Will I always get it right? Of course not. But I’ll try. That’s the best I can do.

The other special news is that I’m going to have plenty of practice being a MOG. Our younger son, Grant, is marrying Angela this October. No doubt I’ll need a refresher course, so I promise to reread this blog multiple times before their wedding day.