What If ...

Earlier today I found myself thinking, “I have to take the dog to the groomers, then I have to go to the grocery store, and after that, I have to start my blog.”

Instantly, these “have to’s” made life feel heavier than it had moments earlier. The mere thought of having to do something negatively impacted my energy. It was as though my free will vanished, replaced by an authoritarian dictating my next steps.

It’s then I began to wonder … what if instead of looking at daily “to do’s” as things I must cross off my list, I shifted perspectives? Might I feel differently if I viewed these activities as choices … or better yet, things I get to do?

“I get to take Bella to the groomers.” … The groomer cares for our dog in ways we cannot, and Bella feels better afterwards.

“I get to go to the grocery store.” … I am fortunate to be able to shop at stores which offer nutritious food.

“I get to start my blog.” … Writing soothes my soul. And sometimes, others find comfort in my words.

By substituting “have” with “get,” the entire day changes. This reminds me of when the sun breaks free during a cloudy day. What felt dull, gray, and blah suddenly brightens. The same shift occurs when I alter my perspective. My mood elevates. I feel empowered because I view what’s ahead as an opportunity not a chore.

Truth be told, I’ve never liked anyone telling me what to do. When I use the terminology “have to,” it’s like the voice inside my head—my inner critic—is commanding my next step. It’s the same feeling I had when a teacher assigned a five-page paper due the next day. Or when my pledge master told us to show up at 6:00 a.m. on the lawn in front of the University Center. I resented it. It felt intrusive on my time and energy.

Yet, when we rephrase our tasks to reflect intention on our part, the actual acts don’t seem so demanding. In fact, approaching our “to do’s” with a positive attitude may even prove enjoyable.

I decided to give this theory a try with watering the plants. Instead of rushing and spilling water all over the place—what frequently occurs each week when I set out to water our sixty-plus house plants—I took my time, admiring each plant. I even clipped off some dying leaves and moved a few pots around, hoping a new position would promote better growth.

Doing this differently didn’t take any longer. In fact, it may have required less time. I didn’t spill one drop from the watering can, so no clean-up was required. However, something unexpected occurred. While watering the plants, I became grateful for these houseplants that beautified our home and gave me a great joy. And knowing my care provided nourishment, I suddenly realized a reciprocity I had never before considered.

No longer did I associate watering plants with thirty minutes of my day.  I now viewed it as time spent enhancing and caring for our home environment. It wasn’t about checking this item off my list. It was me caring for living organisms that brightened my day. This seemingly insignificant task instantly transformed into a privilege I get to do.

Will there be times when I must muscle through what’s on my “to do” list? Absolutely. Some days we don’t have the luxury to be fully present as we attend to what must occur. Yet when we act with intention, releasing the have to mentality, everything changes. Our role shifts. It’s about caring for, not responsibility to. Our eyes open to something we’ve previously ignored.

What if we transferred this attitude to the relationships in our life? I’m sure we each have a family member or friend that feels more like an obligation than a healthy connection. Could changing how we show up—substituting the have to mentality for a get to mindset—make a difference. I believe it will.

Whether it’s a phone call to someone having a tough time, helping a neighbor, or showing up to an event in support of a loved one, when we adopt the get to attitude, our dread diminishes. Sometimes a lightness appears, showing us an entirely different side to the situation. Judgment ceases. Our hearts crack open. Compassion grows. Suddenly, we want to listen, serve, or be present. A part of our world shifts because we let go of an old way of doing things and became open to a new perspective.

What if …